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The Legacy of Your Stuff September 2009 |
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Wednesday, 02 September 2009 14:49 |
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Reflection:
Ethical wills are about values, not valuables. But what about the category of stuff – of value or not? You know “you can’t take it with you,” but it’s too simple to see stuff either as necessities to function in the material world, or merely as useless acquisitions.
What about the stuff you inherited, saved, collected, received as gifts from a beloved? What about those objects infused with meaning, symbols of your identity, your relationships, your work?
My mother’s Wedgewood dishes - bought on her 1937 honeymoon in Canada; my daughter’s first shoes, red patent with tiny straps - in a family that has loved shoes for four generations; the pair of handmade 19th century brass candlesticks my grandmother brought when she immigrated from Kiev; the Santorini blue bowl - memento of my first trip to Greece; my frog collection - a source of fun and humor for my grandchildren. These are only some of my precious stuff – stuff that I love and that I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren.
Your stuff and their stories provide a window into your identity, illuminate what you value and why, and connect you to future generations. Yes, even stuff is a significant component of your legacy. For more about legacy and your precious objects, see chapter 8 in Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies.
To ensure that future generations receive your valued objects and inherit their history and stories, you need to document what those objects represent to you. If you don’t preserve the meaning nd value attached to your stuff, one day both the objects and their significance will be lost at the inevitable garage sale.
The stuff and their stories provide a window into your identity, illuminate what you value and why, and connect you to future generations. Yes, even stuff is a significant component of your legacy. For more about our precious objects and legacy, see chapter 8 in Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies.
Gerontologists suggest that the stuff elders choose to take with them when they leave their homes to move into communal living are powerful aids to maintain coherence and continuity of dentity in this complex transition. These objects are ‘emblems’ of belonging, kinship and relationship. They are reminders of life history, achievements, and life roles. Precious objects support security and even when memory is diminished, they provide comfort.
We need to take care that our elders choose which objects accompany them should such a transition become necessary. Even compassionate professional caregivers or movers don’t have the history or know the meaning of personal objects over a lifetime. We strive to diminish elders’ vulnerability and enhance their sense of empowerment and dignity as they face the transitions of aging.
Practice:
1. Take a trip around your home to inventory your stuff.
2. Make a list of those objects that have value for you beyond their material worth.
3. Invite your beloveds (children, grandchildren, friends) to name any of your objects that have special meaning to them. (Don’t be surprised if their lists are quite different from yours.) You may use their lists to decide to whom you want to gift your things. You may decide to give away some things sooner rather than later.
4. Choose one object (from your list or the lists of friends and family) to write about.
5. Here are some prompts to stir your memory about why an object is special to you:
• Where did this object come from?
• How did it come to you?
• What is its history, its biography?
• What is its story?
• What makes it meaningful (valuable) to you?
• To whom will you give this object and what do you want that person to know?
6. Once you have written, be sure that someone knows where your writing is. You may want to tag the object in an inconspicuous place linking it with its story and the name of its future owner.
7. Follow these guidelines to preserve the meaning of other precious stuff. May your precious stuff clarify your identity and values, and deepen your relationships with those you love.
- Rachael Freed
www.Life-Legacies.com
© 2009 Rachael Freed
The power of
everyday things
carry both
ideas and
passions
… emotional
and intellectual
companions
that anchor
memory
[and] sustain
relationship….
- Sherry Turkle
...even though you’re far
away from home, you
start to feel okay, because
after all, you do
have some of your stuff
with you.
- George Carlin
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Network in Aging for Western New York Community Calendar |
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Wednesday, 02 September 2009 14:46 |
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Here is the link for the Network in Aging for Western New York Community Calendar http://www.networkinaging.com/calendar.asp |
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Tuesday, 04 August 2009 12:10 |
Dear Legacy Writers,
Enjoy the HuffingtonPost article titled The Legacy of Giving: Teens Practice Philanthropy about the relationship of values and money to perpetuate a legacy of giving and family intimacy. < http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachael-freed/the-legacy-of-giving-teen_b_247495.html >
The article concludes inviting readers to comment with the following: "Let me know if you have more specific questions and I'll do my best to help." YOU can help spread the concept of legacy by sending those you know the link above AND raise awareness for HuffingtonPost readers by adding a comment. (An article's worth is judged by how many people are reading and commenting, even on the HuffingtonPost, one of the most visited sites on the web).
Join us for a legacy writing retreat in January in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida ... call Marianne to reserve a place 561-470-0202 ... early bird special for those registering before October 1.
May all your legacies be blessings,
Rachael
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
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Last Updated on Tuesday, 04 August 2009 12:13 |
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Thursday, 09 July 2009 22:33 |
*AGING RESIDENTS UNITE”
Alice Randall's kids are grown and gone. At age 69, she still works part time. But she misses the "connectiveness" she felt when her kids were in Edina schools, and she was busy with their activities and parent groups. "At this point in life, I'm too old for what I've been doing, and I have to move on," she said. "But I'm not ready for people to do things for me. I still want to be proactive. I still want to give."
Randall is among the more than 20 percent of Edina, Minnesota residents who are 65 or older, making the suburb one of the oldest in the Twin Cities area. Now the city has begun an unusual community conversation about aging positively and productively. They are working with consultant Richard Leider, whose executive education and coaching firm is located in Edina. Leider and Mayor Jim Hovland hope that eventually the community conversation -- which is staging its third event this month -- will lead to development of a "center on positive aging."
"The real purpose here is to inspire seasoned citizens to lead engaged lives, to stay learners," Leider said. By connecting those residents with one another, he said, Edina can better face the challenge of having an aging community. "Community is much more than a place. It's a state of mind. It's a shared vision, a common fate. It's not only where we live, but how we act toward each other through the life span," Leider said.
As one of the metro area's more affluent suburbs, Edina has many active seniors and an array of adult education and volunteer programs. But it also has a tradition of self-sufficiency. Residents arrange for their own garbage collection. When streets in front of their homes are repaved, homeowners pay the entire bill. The positive aging initiative was Hovland's idea. He said there's a difference between residing in a city and belonging to a community. "I see a lot of folks around town that are older, and some of them express the opinion that everybody needs a reason to get up in the morning,"
Hovland said. "I suspect most have that reason. But it did make me
think: What are we doing for citizens in the second half of life?"
What Edina is doing could become a model for other cities, he said. "This whole positive aging movement knows no boundaries," he said. "It's a worldwide societal issue. ... Increasingly, people are looking at what makes a community a community. You can have a lot of people in a place like Edina [who are] very isolated." Last fall, Leider's first speech in Edina on what was called "the adult community initiative" was expected to draw about 50 people. An overflow crowd of 200 attended. …Leider points to a recent MetLife Mature Market Institute Study that interviewed 1,001 people between the ages of 45 and 75 about what defines "the good life." The survey found that those who said their lives had purpose were far more likely to say they were happy and contented than those who did not. Older people put less emphasis on wealth accumulation than younger people and were most likely to say what matters to them is "meaning-related" activities like spending time with family and enjoying personal pursuits.
"Meaning trumps money at all ages for those seeking 'the good life,'"
Leider said.
From: “Aging Residents Strive to Connect in Retirement” by Mary Jane Smetanka, from the Minneapolis Star & Tribune, sent by Richard Leider to the Positive Aging newsletter. Thank you, Richard! |
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Only in America - A Different Kind of Fourth of July Story |
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Thursday, 09 July 2009 22:30 |
Only in America - A Different Kind of Fourth of July Story
How many times have you heard, "Only in America…?"
This weekend is the Fourth of July. Next to Christmas, it's my favorite holiday. The spirit of it conjures up images of the best of family, friends, community and the ideas that make our country great.
My latest "only in America" story involves three of our key AAHSA
staff: Lauren Shaham, Majd Alwan and Margaret Wanca-Daniels. Lauren is an Orthodox Jew, Majd a devout Muslim, and Margaret a devout Baptist.
A Christian. A Jew. A Muslim.
Lauren does media relations for us and many of our members. She gets us quoted regularly in top media outlets about our issues - issues most people don't want to talk about or deal with.
In my testimony last week before the House Ways and Means Committee, I was part of a line-up of doctors, hospital leaders and a representative from AARP. When it came time for me to speak, I told them, "I represent the issues nobody wants to deal with and everybody will face." Lauren fights that societal denial all the time, yet we are quoted frequently in the country's most-read publications.
As an Orthodox Jew, Lauren keeps faith with her rituals. We accommodate, yet she always sees that her duties are fulfilled at our meetings when they fall on the Sabbath, for example. I admire her faithful commitment to her traditions and rituals. I wish I were as disciplined.
Majd Alwan is our technology guru. He directs our Center for Aging Services Technologies (CAST), has a doctoral degree, and helped develop an applied research technology lab at a prestigious university, from which we stole him. He now helps our members develop their technology plans, works with Congress and the administration on technology policy, and helps technology companies and universities understand the missions of our members so that science can be translated into innovations that work for the people we serve. Majd keeps faith with rituals including regular prayer.
Margaret is a behind-the-scenes force at AAHSA. She sees that the exhibit halls at our meetings are full each year. She also helps our state associations sell our mission to exhibitors. Her work generates a large measure of non-dues income that allows us to support things like CAST and the Institute for the Future of Aging Services (IFAS).
She also helps us interpret our mission to the business world. None of us can serve the people we serve without a partnership with the business sector.
Lauren, Majd and Margaret represented CAST and AAHSA at the International Consumer Electronics Show (CES), the only event of its kind in the world. It's held in Las Vegas. CAST was asked to provide educational content around the applicability of advancing technology in an aging society.
We sold exhibits and sponsorships to help pay for this opportunity.
Majd was there to educate. Lauren was there to drum up media attention. Margaret was there to help generate revenue. All three were successful.
In the midst of this huge secular event, both Majd and Lauren kept their religious rituals. She kept Sabbath. He kept his prayers. In the course of doing so, Majd learned more about the requirements of Sabbath and covered for Lauren during certain hours. Lauren returned the favor when Majd went to prayer. On the Sabbath, Majd noticed an obviously Orthodox Jewish man who could not get on the elevator. Majd stepped in to help the man get where he needed to go. Margaret observed the Majd-Lauren dynamic and talked with them about their faiths and their differences. And they all maintained a collegial working relationship. A great team, these three!
The media fills us daily with divisiveness of all kinds: negative political spin about the plight and course of our country; the dilution of long-held values of freedom, choice and responsibilities; personal flaws of public characters; even the negatives about religion. These are concerns in all of us for sure, but doubtless often overplayed for entertainment value.
But in this country, on this celebration of Independence Day, let's realize that a Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian can work together, respect each other's beliefs and traditions, talk about similarities and differences, and create an effective team. In America, three people of differing faiths can uphold their values even in one of the most secular of environments, without compromising their work. They can make a positive impact together for the great cause of improving the quality of life in our aging society.
AAHSA member organizations are filled with such diverse people; you each have your Laurens, Majds, and your Margarets. This weekend, celebrate and respect the common ideals you share.
A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim - No, it's not the beginning of a joke.
It's the beginning of community based on differences, yet united by common goals.
E pluribus unum. Out of many, one. It's on our country's Great Seal.
Only in America.
William L. Minnix, Jr.
AAHSA President & CEO
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